


The Lack of it Snaps Me in Two

by HermioneGrangerTwin



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermioneGrangerTwin/pseuds/HermioneGrangerTwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Blaine regrets making that song his ringtone, maybe more than any other decision in his life."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lack of it Snaps Me in Two

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops, I slipped and break-up fic fell out. Inspired by [this art](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8q7e4vpLR1qayy2qo1_500.jpg) by [Kendra](http://kendrawcandraw.tumblr.com). Title from Snow Patrol’s “New York.” Thanks to [Bee](http://fruitflyxo.tumblr.com) for making sure I don’t post anything stupid and for making sure she knows I wounded her feels.

                “Perfect” is playing and Blaine cringes. The reminder of singing to each other in the car makes the feeling of just listening to the phone ring much worse. He wants nothing more than to listen to Kurt’s voice again, to hear him telling Blaine he loves him. Just because he told Kurt they shouldn’t be together anymore doesn’t mean that he’s ever going to not miss Kurt.

                He waits patiently for the agony to stop, watching his phone warily. He isn’t surprised when the new voicemail sound goes off. He quickly picks up his phone and dials his voicemail with shaking fingers. He debates deleting the message before he really listens to it, but the broken sound of his name keeps him listening.

                “Blaine, please call me back. Please.” His voice is so hoarse, but the sound of it makes Blaine’s arms ache to hold him. “I know you must be back in Ohio by now, and you’re not going to see me again for awhile, but I don’t care about being physically with you.

                “I mean, obviously I want that more than us being apart, but—Blaine, it’s Monday night, and I haven’t slept since you—that night. I think I passed out on Saturday, maybe Sunday, I don’t know. I haven’t left the apartment and I won’t let anyone in. I’m still wearing the clothes I wore to that d-date. I—” Kurt lets out a sob, and Blaine’s stomach lurches, his instinct to comfort him raging.

                Not this time, though. Kurt deserves the whole New York experience.

                “I don’t c-care if you’re in Ohio and I’m h-here. I couldn’t care if my life depended on it as l-long as we’re together. Because you’re it for m-me. I’d rather live in Ohio than lose you. I know it sounds melodramatic and m-maybe you won’t b-believe me,” there’s a pause in which Kurt takes an audibly deep breath, “but I won’t find anyone else in New York. I can’t. There _isn’t_ anyone else.

                “And even if I were to try, I would drop anyone else to be with you. Anyone. Blaine, please answer my calls. Take me back. I can’t do New York without knowing I have you. New York isn’t anything without you. Don’t think that I deserve better or that you’re holding me back or whatever shit you’ve built up in your head since I left last month. New York stopped being my dream when I knew you loved me back, when you told me over coffee that you loved me.

                “You’re my new dream. I’ve never cared less about this city than right now.”

                Tears stream down Blaine’s face. Kurt can’t mean that. He’ll get over it. He _loves_ New York.

                It’s for the best.

                “Blaine,” Kurt weeps, voice cracking, “pl—”

                The message ends there, presumably because Kurt ran out of time. Blaine doesn’t know when he started crying, but tears are rolling freely down his face now.

                _“Made a wrong turn once or twice…”_

                Blaine regrets making that song his ringtone, maybe more than any other decision in his life. As he hangs his head, he forgets he’s holding his phone and fumbles it. He’s forced to catch it between his hands to keep it from hitting the floor and accidentally answers.

                “Blaine?” he hears. “ _Blaine!_ Are you there?”

                He puts the phone up to his ear, unable to help himself, but doesn’t say anything.

                “Just—don’t hang up, okay?” There’s rustling on the other end and then—

                “Kurt,” and immediately, Blaine knows what he’s getting ready to say.

                “Don’t even bother telling me that I need her more than you. Because, let’s be honest: I have a city I’m familiar with and support from your family—and your family might as well be _my_ family—and Glee, and you’re a stranger in a strange land, fighting with your coworkers for favor and the competition of the very city just to live.

                “I want you to hold her every night and remember that I love you—” he falters for the first time. “—I love you always and want to be there with you. I’ll always support you just like she does at night and I’m sorry I can’t be the one cuddling with you at night, but for now, Maggie will have to do.

                “See you soon,

                “Blaine.”

                “P.S.,” there’s an odd sound from the other end of the line, like a ragged breath, “I’ve spritzed a little cologne on her to tide you over.”

                There’s a long pause and then, “Are you still there?”

                Blaine doesn’t say anything.

                Kurt lets out a desperate cry. “How is any stranger supposed to compete with that? With someone that would give up their comforting stuffed animal and family and time and love for me?”

                He doesn’t say anything, he can’t; Kurt just needs a little time and he’ll move on and he’ll have the best time in New York.

                “Don’t do this. Don’t pull this noble, Harry Potter, martyr hero, save the boyfriend shit. I don’t need that. I need _you_. You’re warm and cheery and optimistic where I’m cynical and I _need_ you.

                “I’m Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and I’m not supposed to depend entirely on people, but I’m sure as hell not supposed to let anyone push me around. You’re not going to get rid of me. I’m not going to give up. Because I know you love me; I know that if I know anything else. I know we’re the real deal in the way high school couples just _aren’t_. I’m going to get married to you or not at all. And maybe that’s extreme, but there will never be anyone else. I’m either going to have all the traditional stuff you want—the house, the car, the 2.5 kids, and a dog I can’t quite tame—or I’m going to be alone and cold and hard. Because that’s what this city’ll make me without you.”

                “I know this hurts you. Stop doing this.”

                Blaine shakes his head even though Kurt can’t see him.

                “Don’t do this to yourself.”

                “I have to.”

                “ _Blaine_ ,” Kurt says weakly.

                “You need this.”

                “I won’t be me without you. I’ll be another New York fashion whore spending all my money on coffee and clothing.”

                “Kurt, don’t—” He stops, voice giving out on him.

                “Blaine, I’ll die alone.”

                “You’ll find someone else.”

                “I won’t. I won’t even try.”

                “You have to try.”

                “I won’t. I will not.”

                Blaine imagines his Kurt, his fierce, beautiful, _stubborn_ boyfriend alone (eating a salad and drinking a coffee at some café, making a condescending remark at anyone who approaches him; spending every night with cold take-out from the night before at his desk, designs in front of him; sleeping, gray-haired and wrinkled but still in silk pajamas, with an unoccupied space in the bed), and a sob rises from his throat.

                “Kurt, you c-can’t let yourself die alone.” The thought makes his stomach turn, his throat burning.

                “Then you have to be with me. And maybe that’s pathetic, but at this point, I don’t care.”

                Blaine gives up trying to be strong and just loses it on the phone with someone who would be his ex-boyfriend if Kurt would just let Blaine break up with him. His whole body shakes as he bawls, not caring if all of Ohio hears. He feels sick at the thought of Kurt’s entire future resting on him. Kurt can do better for himself; Kurt needs better.

                “Blaine, just don’t do this.”

                “I—you c-can’t let m-me be your everything.”

                “Why not?”

                He takes a deep breath, trying not to sob. “Because I’m an idiot and I’ll never be—”

                “Don’t you dare say you’re not good enough for me. Don’t you _dare_.”

                “But I’m _not_ ,” he says desperately, willing Kurt to understand. “I just want you so much, I pretend to be all together, but all I am is a bumbling moron who loves you.”

                “That’s all I need. I don’t need you to be perfect at life; I just need you to live.”

                Blaine almost laughs at how cheesy what he just said was, almost accuses himself of rubbing off on Kurt, but he has to stay firm, he can’t—

                “If you love me so much, why didn’t you answer any of my calls?”

                “Because I knew talking to you would convince me to take back everything. I’d beg for you to take me back.”

                “Well, that hasn’t happened yet. But I have no shame. I’ll keep calling you until you take me back.”

                “I know that.”

                “Just—let me be the person who sleeps beside you when you can barely remember who I am.”     “Kurt, you do _not_ get to reference _The Notebook_ right now. How is that fair?”

                “All’s fair in love and war.”

                “Goddamn it, Kurt!” Blaine exclaims, frustration forcing the curse out. “Why can’t you just let me be noble? Why can’t you just let me let you go so that you can be everything you want to be?”

                 “Everything I want to be is yours.” Blaine can almost hear Kurt’s smirk.

                “That is the cheesiest fucking thing you’ve ever said in your life. Who taught you to do that?”

                “You did, stupid.”

                “Why would I do that to myself?”

                Kurt chuckles. “Because you can’t help yourself.”

                Blaine feels himself slipping into his old habit of bantering with Kurt and has to forcibly pull himself away from the urge to continue. “Kurt, I can’t do this.”

                “Yes, you can. It’s so easy. Just let yourself love me and let me love you back. We can do this.”

                “No, I can’t be what’s holding you back.”

                “But you _aren’t_ ,” Kurt says, exasperation clear. “I don’t consider talking to you every night an obligation. It’s something I want to do. I miss you so much, but breaking up with you isn’t going to fix that. It just makes everything so much worse. Blaine, I love you. I’m never going to not miss you.”

                Kurt’s words ring deep in Blaine, feeling them acutely. He was always going to miss Kurt, no matter if they broke up or not. He thought he could make Kurt hate him, make Kurt wish they’d never met, maybe make it easier for Kurt to move on without him. But Kurt wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t going to hate Blaine at all. Kurt was going to love Blaine even though he hurt him, even though he would probably hurt him again. He could not stop himself from loving Blaine.

                In a twist of fate that Blaine never thought would happen, Kurt loved him even when he failed.

                And how was Blaine supposed to give that up? Give up the one person he could trust to love him and be proud of him?

                Blaine takes a deep breath and lets it out before he says, “Alright. Okay. Let’s do it.”

                “You mean…you’re not going to keep trying to break up with me?”

                “I—” Blaine swallows. “I can’t keep trying to break up with you. It hurts too much. I tried that first time, I really did. But you just won’t let me, and I can’t stand to be apart from the person that I love.”

                Kurt laughs a little at the reminder of the day Blaine gave up Dalton. “My dad always told me to never take anything lying down. I guess that includes your boyfriend breaking up with you for your own good.”

                Blaine actually laughs this time. He’s almost sure that this was not a situation Burt ever accounted for. “I guess so.”                 “Oh my God, he’d kill you if he knew what you tried to do to yourself.”

                Blaine furrows his brow. “Don’t you mean what I tried to do to you?”

                “No. I mean, I’m sure he’d be upset for me if you just didn’t love me, but he’d be angry with you because you don’t fight for what you want. How many times has he told you that what you want matters?”

                Blaine tries not to cringe at the thought of how hard Burt’s tried to parent him since he started dating Kurt.

                “He wants you to fight for _your_ greatest happiness.” There’s a long pause and then, in a smaller voice, Kurt says, “If your greatest happiness doesn’t include me—”

                “It does,” Blaine answers quickly.

                “Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t—”

                “Never _ever_ worry about that. I’ll never want anything more than being with you. As long as you’re happy with me, I want it.”

                He can hear Kurt’s relief when he says, “I love being with you. I love you.”

                “I love you too.”

                “Good.” Kurt clears his throat before he says, “You’d better never pull that shit again, Blaine Anderson.”

                “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

                “Worst three days of my life, excepting the obvious parental related problems.”

                “Obviously.”

                “I’m telling all our grandchildren about how stupid you are until we die.”

                Blaine grins. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”


End file.
